Industrialist Tycoon Business Magnate Entrepreneur, Inc.
An old-fashioned corn boy who started in a literal mail room back when there was still mail in large enough amounts that there were still rooms for it, with enough workers in them that they needed crews of corn boys -and even corn men- to bring in corn to feed them.
He’s made a few good investments during a few good recessions and now he runs a bunch of things he doesn't understand anything about. But he does it with the gusto of a man who has inexplicably never failed, and the world seems to have agreed with that gusto so far. So he never had to question his outdated management style or mustache. He coined the term "stagflation" during a temporary speech impediment, and is still recognized worldwide for it.
His full name is Charles Edward Overfield. A superstitious person might think his initials mean something, but science says they do not.

Middle-Management / Director of Delegation / Delegator of Direction
Phil doesn't completely know or understand what goes on above or under him in the company hierarchy, but he is really, really, really good at keeping his proverbial plate absolutely empty -sparkling clean, really- at all times.
He's a pretty slick, smooth, socially competent master delegator who doesn't mind being the bad guy, and when he does take the heat from his boss he does it with a huge awkward smile only an upper manager could love.
He's into professional self-improvement and knows all the lingo. He's also secretly into personal self-improvement, and knows all that lingo. There aren't many good pictures of him, it's like he has an unphotogenic curse. Or perhaps he's constantly dealing with a crippling, face-twisting impostor syndrome where his very soul tries to cry for help by coming out of his facial features through microexpressions that can only be captured by a camera. But doggone it, people like him!

Head of I.T, Systems Administrator, Network Administrator, Hardware Manager, Fireman, EFR, CERT, IAEM, DMORT, and, on some mornings, DOA.
Maurice can fix everything, from spaghetti code to barbecued chips. He never sought a leadership role but, being the miracle worker people run to when things go wrong, he ended up obtaining the coveted position of being punished daily for his competence.
He is a beacon of integrity, professionalism, and excessive pathological perfectionism, like all sysadmins of course. And like all sysadmins, he is in constant panic mode and has suffered several heart attacks he is not even aware of.
He enjoys nature and hiking, as long as it's within a 25-mile radius from one of the mirror servers. Otherwise he hyperventilates and quickly dies. Sysadminotaur has been his username on forums, chatrooms and game servers since forever. He came up with it as he was desperately trying to make sense of the labyrinth-like folder structure of an old network drive back at Sysadmin Academy, while alt-tabbing a particularly epic game of Populous II: Trials of the Olympian Gods, while listening to the New York Times best-selling audiobook Portmanteaus for Dummies. He realized later in life that a reference to Sisyphus would have probably made a more accurate analogy for a career in I.T. But he remained... SYSADMINOTAUR.

Veteran I.T Generalist / Programmer / Debugger / Punchcard Puncher
Bob knows obsolete programming languages and how to fix antiquated hardware because he's old enough to have paid two thousand dollars for a floppy disk drive. Which is great because the company doesn't like to buy new things, and he doesn't like to get used to them.
A man of many contradictions, he is laid-back yet grumpy, happy-go-lucky yet pessimistic, lazy yet tired. He's paranoid about conspiracies and privacy issues, though he personally wouldn't make an interesting target for any spy ever, being the most average everyman imaginable.
His relationship with his wife is straight out of a seventies sitcom, with hair curlers and meatloaf and tango lessons and sleeping on couches and everything.

Programming wizard / Coding Unicorn
Max can churn out large amounts of efficient, clean and elegant code in short bursts of intense robot-like focus. He's made a hobby out of speed-learning new programming languages and challenging himself by using them on ambitious projects without much practice, constantly jeopardizing the livelihoods of his coworkers for the sake of his own advancement and ego
He gets uncomfortable and awkward in any human interaction that can't be dealt with through an interface. But he's working on that, by building those interfaces
He likes to optimize all aspects of his life. He weighs everything he eats, adapts his sleep patterns to enhance cognition, stacks supplements for hypermetabolism, micro-doses psychedelics to counteract micro-neuroses, and is open to the more integrated approaches such as clean-eating and meditation and breathing techniques and wow what a woo-woo!

Security Expert / Accredited Paranoid
Dropout turned hacker turned go[REDACTED]t employee, then [REDACTED] documents [REDACTED], then hacker again, and now specialized in corporate cybersecurity under what sounds like a possibly made-up-on-the-spot-to-cover-her-tracks weird new name.
For a security purist like her, an organization's biggest liability is, well, humans. Short of being able to get rid of them altogether, she is ok with relentlessly nagging them. But she can't really afford to make enemies, so she's learning to pick her battles and accept the uncertainty of dealing with flawed hominids. Until they're obsolete, hopefully soon.
She has a mild OCD, and an untreated delusional personality disorder (aka paranoia). She is also slightly misanthropic. In cyber-security those are all huge pluses.

Administrative Assistant / Unofficial Receptionist / Unofficial Human Resources Manager / Unoffical Occasional Baker.
Mel helps keep Phil's metaphorical plate empty and literal plate full, smooths out "people problems", organizes happy hours, curates the hold music playlists, and buys little tree air fresheners to cover up the funky smell. She can't fix everything, but "There's no serious deep-rooted workplace conflict that a nice batch of chai-chocolate cupcakes can't sweep under the rug for an extra day or two!"
She keeps things tolerable by being calm and kind and understanding and sweet, and by ripping the head off of anyone who dares disrupt the fragile and tense social harmony of the office.